WHEN LIFE FEELS TOO MUCH

“I’m at the end of my tether”

Leila came to counselling feeling exhausted and defeated. Her relationship had broken down. She felt low, isolated and increasingly unable to manage the conflict at home.

Her teenager was struggling too: skipping school, avoiding lessons, walking out of classes, making excuses not to attend and challenging Leila at home. Their conversations had become arguments before either of them had really said what they meant.

Leila was frightened about her child, but she was also disappearing from her own life. Some days showering felt like too much. Going to the supermarket felt impossible. She had stopped reaching out to friends and family because she did not want to explain how bad things felt.

WE STARTED BY MAKING THINGS SMALLER

When someone is overwhelmed, a long list of things they “should” do can become another burden. So we did not begin with fixing the family. We began with what felt possible today.

If going to the supermarket felt unmanageable, ordering groceries for delivery was not failure. It was a way of making sure there was food in the house while conserving energy for the things that mattered most. If a full self care routine felt impossible, the step might simply be a shower. On another day it might be washing her face, changing her clothes or putting on the lipstick that used to make her feel a little more like herself.

Small steps matter because they give the brain evidence: I can still do something. The aim is not to force motivation. It is to lower the bar enough that action becomes possible.

NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY DOING

Instead of measuring herself against the mother she thought she should be, Leila began noticing what she was managing: getting through the day, keeping appointments, making food available and continuing to care even when she felt depleted.

CHANGE THE INNER VOICE

We listened for the harsh sentences: “I’m failing”, “I should cope better”, “Everyone else manages.” Then we tested kinder, more accurate alternatives: “I am having a very difficult time”, “I am allowed to need help”, “Doing less today does not mean I have given up.”

RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF

Self esteem also grows through identity. One small thing that belonged to Leila rather than to motherhood or the broken relationship mattered: lipstick, music, a coffee with someone safe, a short walk, or wearing something she liked.

SLOWING THE CONVERSATION AT HOME

Leila wanted better communication with her teenager, but when both were already flooded with emotion, trying harder to talk often meant arguing harder.

We worked on stepping away before a conversation became a battle. That did not mean ignoring the problem. It meant saying something like, “We are both upset. I want to hear you, but I don’t think we can hear each other right now. Let’s come back to this.”

She practised listening for what might sit underneath the behaviour rather than responding only to the behaviour itself. “You walked out of school again” could become, “Something about being there seems really hard at the moment. Help me understand what happens just before you want to leave.”

As Leila became calmer and less afraid of every difficult conversation, her teenager began to say more. Avoiding school was not simply defiance. Home had felt unstable and emotionally unmanageable, and being away from Leila could bring its own anxiety.

This did not excuse challenging behaviour or remove the need for boundaries. But understanding what was underneath it changed the question from “How do I make this behaviour stop?” to “What is this behaviour trying to tell us, and what support is needed?”

Support for the young person mattered too. We discussed appropriate school support and counselling so that Leila did not have to become her child’s therapist as well as her parent.

LETTING OTHER PEOPLE BACK IN

Isolation had made everything heavier. Leila began with one person she trusted. Not a dramatic disclosure, just a message: “I’ve been having a hard time. Would you be free for a coffee?”

Reaching out is a self esteem intervention too. It challenges the belief that you must cope alone and gives you experiences of being seen as a whole person rather than only as someone with problems.

We also talked about speaking with her GP about how low she was feeling and about physical symptoms that could be adding to exhaustion, including possible iron deficiency and perimenopausal changes. Emotional and physical wellbeing can overlap, and getting appropriate medical advice is part of looking after yourself.

IF SHOPPING FEELS IMPOSSIBLE

Order a grocery delivery. The goal is food in the house, not proving you can manage the supermarket.

IF SELF CARE FEELS ENORMOUS

Choose one thing: shower, wash your face, brush your teeth, change clothes, put on lipstick. One thing counts.

IF YOU HAVE DISAPPEARED FROM PEOPLE

Message one safe person. You do not need to tell the whole story. Ask for a coffee, a call or practical help.

IF EVERY CONVERSATION BECOMES AN ARGUMENT

Pause earlier. Regulate first, return later, and start with curiosity rather than accusation.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE

Name three things you managed today, however ordinary. Self esteem grows from evidence, not slogans.

IF LOW MOOD IS NOT LIFTING

Speak to your GP. Ask for help with mood and discuss physical symptoms too. You do not have to work out the cause alone.

WHAT CHANGED?

There was no dramatic moment where everything became easy. The change was quieter.

Leila began to feel more like a person again, not just a mother managing a crisis. She became kinder to herself, accepted help, attended to her own health and had more capacity to pause before reacting.

As the temperature at home lowered, communication had more room to grow. Her teenager still had difficult days, but Leila was less likely to interpret every setback as proof that she was failing.

Sometimes progress begins not by trying harder, but by making life manageable enough that you can begin again.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX YOUR WHOLE FAMILY TODAY.

Start with the next kind, manageable thing.