What is counselling, really?
And do I actually need it?
Perhaps you have wondered what people actually do in counselling, whether talking can really make a difference, or whether you need to be in crisis before you are allowed to ask for help.
It’s Your Agenda
Counselling for Young People, Adults, Parents and Caregivers
tel: +07349 158 891
So, what is counselling?
At its simplest, counselling is time set aside for you. It is a professional, confidential conversation with a trained therapist where you can talk about what is happening in your life without having to protect the other person, cheer them up or worry about what they will think of you.
It is not a test, and there is no correct way to do it. You do not need a polished explanation of what is wrong. Sometimes the starting point is simply, “I don’t really know why I’m here, but something doesn’t feel right.”
Counselling is not somebody telling you how to live your life.
It is a place to hear yourself more clearly.
What actually happens in a session?
Most counselling sessions are regular and last around 50 minutes. We sit together in person, or meet online or by telephone. You bring whatever is on your mind. There is no weekly performance review and no expectation that you arrive with an agenda already written.
1 You arrive: We settle in. You can start wherever feels most useful that day.
2 We talk: I listen carefully and may reflect, notice patterns, ask questions or gently explore something with you.
3 We make sense of things: Over time, feelings and situations that once seemed tangled can become easier to understand.
4 You decide what fits: The aim is not for me to take over your decisions. It is to help you understand yourself and find what feels right for you.
Why do people go to counselling?
There is no single type of person who has counselling, and you do not have to wait until life has completely fallen apart.
• Something has happened and you are struggling to absorb it.
• You feel anxious, low, angry, numb or overwhelmed and are tired of carrying it alone.
• A relationship, family situation or loss is affecting you.
• Old experiences keep showing up in the present.
• You keep repeating a pattern and do not understand why.
• You look as though you are coping, but inside you know you are not.
• Nothing dramatic is wrong. You simply want to understand yourself better.
You do not have to prove that your problem is “bad enough.” If it matters to you, it is worth talking about.
Is it okay to be dubious about counselling?
Yes. In fact, I would rather you brought the doubt into the room than felt you had to pretend to believe in the process. You may be thinking: “How can talking change anything?” “I should be able to sort this out myself.” “What if I have nothing to say?” or “What if I do not like the counsellor?”
What counselling is not
A lecture
Someone judging your choices
Being told to “think positive”
Having to reveal everything immediately
A counsellor fixing your life for you
What you are allowed to do
Ask how counselling works
Say you are unsure
Take time to trust
Tell me when something does not fit
Decide whether I am the right counsellor for you
What about confidentiality?
What you say in counselling is treated confidentially. There are limits to confidentiality, for example where there is a serious concern about safety or where disclosure is required by law, and I explain these clearly before we begin. Counsellors also have professional supervision, which helps them work safely and ethically.
The important part is that you should know what you are agreeing to. You can ask questions about confidentiality, boundaries, records, fees or anything else that feels unclear.
So how can talking help?
Talking does not change the fact that something happened. It does not make another person behave differently and it cannot remove every difficult feeling. What it can do is give you enough space to understand what is happening inside you, notice patterns, hear your own needs and consider choices that may have been difficult to see when everything felt crowded.
You might begin to notice...
• why certain situations affect you so strongly
• the difference between what you feel and what you think you should feel
• where your boundaries have become blurred
• how you speak to yourself when things go wrong
• what belongs to you and what you have been carrying for other people
• what you actually want, rather than what you think you ought to want
Do I have to keep going once I start?
No. Counselling is a collaborative relationship, not something that is done to you. It is reasonable to see how it feels, ask questions and decide whether the relationship and way of working suit you. The relationship with your counsellor matters, and you are allowed to say when something feels unhelpful or when you are unsure.
What is counselling with me like?
My approach is relational and person centred. I am not there to hand you a set of instructions or decide what your life should look like. I will listen, stay curious and work alongside you. Sometimes that means gently slowing things down. Sometimes it means noticing something you may not have seen before. Sometimes it is practical and we think together about what might help outside the room.
You can bring anxiety, grief, relationships, family difficulties, trauma, identity, low mood, overwhelm, a difficult decision, or simply the feeling that you have lost your way a little. You do not have to know which label fits.
Still dubious? You do not have to decide today.
A free 20 minute introductory call is simply a chance to ask questions and see how it feels.
No pressure, just a conversation. We begin where you are.
It’s Your Agenda Counselling and Psychotherapy
itsyouragenda.co.uk
Information about counselling, confidentiality and the therapeutic relationship is consistent with current BACP guidance.
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